First 2 days of 2016

It's 2nd of January of 2016, Like usual, I spent my New Years Eve alone, figuring things out for the immediate future. It's have been a hell of a ride for me, for the past 3 years since I quit my last job, life is tough and not easy for me back then, and still for now. I have to admit my life is not easy, business i build with my friend is not working, applying to hundreds of job and no luck getting them, I'm almost lost it, frustrating and begin to have a bad habit in the process. I got away from God, cursing churches, question every God existence, blaming other people who suppose to be there for me, but they are not, people lose their confidence in me, blaming me for the thing I did and did not do, a lot of crap stuff happening.

 In the past of couple of months, I starting to have contact with my former spiritual leader, a man of God and a very respectful, supportive friend of mine. Every week we would spent one hour riding a bike in the complex, and at the every end of it, he was praying for me, exchange thought and ideas, encouraging me again, built up my believe toward God. Looking back, I feel it work out, the passion inside me is starting to grow again, I can feel His presence again in my life (it's still a working progress but I'm happy how it turn out). Right now I'm take a small step into recovering and building my life again, have a work to do, not much but progressing, and happy to look forward to it. Have a possible job in the process.

 I just want to give a credit to several people, that make things more colorful. At the course of the time, I find out a lot of myself, I realize that I'm a true, 100 percent, no fake introvert. That discovery is based on I'm comfortable for being alone, being in a small group of people I know. I'm not antisocial, just google for introvert and learn yourself about it.

I have a several close friends and I'm so happy that they are there to support me, encourage me, give me some advises and help me necessarily. Yesterday is my best friend's wife birthday, and I have a blast spending time with him and his families. I have a food coma back then, a lot of good and sinful food. I feel that is a good start of the year.

 Here are several things need to be done in this year, I call it "bounce back" year, enough with the misery and self blame:
 - I drink my last bottle of 1.5l or coke in new year eve, and will not (try) to drink it again through out the year, and reward myself at the end of this year. This is the one of bad habit that i have in the process of grieving.
- Drink sweets stuff aside from coke only once a month
- Have a better lifestyle and exercise more - Finish up reading a bible, i'm attend to 1 year plan from YouVersion bible app
- Lose 1 kg every month
- Connect more with people (not pushing them away) and also do some reconciliation if that person can forgive me
- Have a steady income
- Have my own place
- Gradually throw away some other bad habit and/or addiction that can't be reveal here
- Go to church again (never been there since I already forget when the last time I've been there)

 I know that this every year resolution is like a things to do at every start of new year, but i felt differently now, I believe I can do it. I give Him a total control of my life and re gain total control of myself, not depend on other opinion. I have read this amazing quotes from one of my idol "You can't live obsessing about what other people think about you, if you did, you wouldn't live. Not even God can please everyone," - CR7

 I'm writing this just as a reminder and progress of what I have been achieve. Let's be kind 2016, please, I'm so tired of it.

 Thank you God for giving me another day to breathe, so write some story, to inspire people in near future from my own experience. See you again next time